Please check out one of the most hilarious jokes called Christmas Joke to get you in the holiday spirit and make your holidays more fun, joyful and magical.
Happy holidays Everyone!
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It is quite rare.
You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has only 8,000 calories in every sip?
It’s not as if you are going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it! Have one for me. Have two.
Actually it is later than you think. It will soon be Christmas! Yeah!
2. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit.
In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they are serving nice and sticky rum balls.
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That is the whole point of gravy!
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat as many times as you wish!
4. Please do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating.
The WHOLE point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. And lots of it. Hello?
5. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they are made with whole milk or skim milk. If it is 2% or skim, pass.
Why bother? It is like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have absolutely nothing else to do.
This is the time for very long naps, which you will need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 12-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. Like pies? Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you do not like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
8. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them, and don’t budge.
Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They are like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you are never going to see them again.
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it is loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at ALL COSTS!
I mean it! Please, have some standards!
10. One final and very important tip
Wear sweatpants/loose fitting clothing that day.
If you are leaving the party, and you can still walk without help from a construction forklift, “You have NOT been paying attention, People!”
Re-read my tips. Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO what a ride!”
Do you know a funny Christmas joke that you’d like to share with us? I will be happy to post it for you!
Have a great Holiday Season Everyone!
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