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Everybody Knows This Couple
Whether they are married or not; white, black, brown or interracial; straight or gay; everybody knows a couple like this.
They are almost the same height.
Hair and complexions are perfect.
They dress impeccably.
Their house or apartment is done in a perfect way with exciting colours and trendy furniture.
They both have a good job and a healthy income. Nice cars and fun vacations are facts of their lives.
They never seem to quarrel.
Is this a healthy relationship?
No one would guess that only the law keeps them from killing each other.
That may be an overstatement, but not entirely untrue.
Lyrics from an old Simon and Garfunkel song, about a estranged “perfect” couple sitting in their gloomy parlour, come to mind:
“She reads her Emily Dickinson,
And I my Robert Frost.
We note our place with book markers,
And measure what we’ve lost.”
Does this look like a healthy relationship to you?
Perfect Isn’t Usually So
The aura of perfection is often a good sign that a couple could be trying to make up for some deficits in their relationship.
Perhaps you are in such a “perfect relationship.”
And perhaps you know it feels unhealthy.
So, what’s the difference between a perfect relationship and a healthy relationship?
Do understand that these benchmarks apply to just about any relationship, not only the “romantic” ones.
What Do You Think of Yourself?
Unless you have a decent respect for yourself – your own physical, mental and emotional health and well-being – you are not going to be very successful in any relationship.
Most everyone has a propensity to let their ego overwhelm their lives – it can go too far.
But, if you can’t love yourself in a healthy manner, you probably don’t have the stuff to make any relationship successful.
Making sacrifices or offering to change some bad habits doesn’t mean you don’t love yourself, it just means you are willing to help make things even better to build a strong and healthy relationship.
What Do You Think of Your Significant Other?
Don’t ever assume anything about the other person.
Have enough respect that you “fight fair.”
Don’t start discussions with the word “you” because you will start to pass negative judgement.
No matter how deeply you feel about each other, you’re still going to disagree on some matters.
Encourage your significant other to come to you whenever he or she needs help.
Respect that while you may be very much into each other, your other half can have his or her own set of friends or separate interests.
Try your best to see the best in one another and watch your healthy relationship get even better.
How Well Do You Communicate?
You must be willing to support, to be open, and to listen first to your significant other.
Set up discussions on difficult topics by asking, “When would be a good time to talk about something that bothers me?”
Go on, admit your mistakes, it won’t kill you and it will make things so much easier all around, not just fixing the certain problem at hand. Hey, no one has ever said it will be easy to have a healthy relationship.
All the Trappings Without Any Truth
If all, or at least very many, of the situations and circumstances mentioned above are not playing out in your relationship, you might be making yourself and your significant other endure a relationship that is meaningless.
What is the purpose of having everything looking good if there is nothing good under the looks?
The goal is for each of you to be a winner.
Thus, you should do yourselves a favor and decide what to do next, disband or make some meaningful efforts to revive what you once had.
Sadly, going separate ways is often the best thing to do, rather than living a sham.
You will have learned much and your next relationship should be that much better.
What is your advice on how to build a healthy relationship?
Interested to learn more? Please check out our articles with relationship tips on Happy-Healthy-Successful.
Article by Krisca Te
Krisca Te works with Open Colleges, Australia’s leading provider of TAFE courses equivalent and distance education. When not working, you can find her actively participating in local dog show events – in support of her husband.
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Relationship and Dating Tips:
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- How to Stop Divorce: 5 Tips for Saving Your Marriage
We hope to see you again. Check back later for the new updates to our Relationship Advice Blog. There is so much more to come!
***Image Source: personal photos
so I can show you: